Blog Gap?!

April 20, 2007 at 3:26 am (Uncategorized)

Yes, yes, its been a long time since I’ve posted anything here.  Maybe some of you even thought I was dead or crippled huh?  Well, no I just been lazy…

Nothing major to speak of last few weeks, I’ve just been doin me thing.  Started swimming again down the outdoor pool (which is killing me – the thing about extended holidays is the drain on your fitness!).  Me and Stevie are thinking about starting rock-climbing (shuttup, spiderman 3 has nothing to do with it!) but the most fun thing of late is the home cocktail experimentation… Just because you’re outta mixers, don’t mean you can’t drink the rum!  All you need is a book of “bar skills” from 20 years ago, a blender, some ice and other random “stuff”.  Much guitar playing goin on too- It goes hand in hand with late night dackeries.

How fucking good is Lost at the moment?!!!!!!!  Give’s me the shudders every Thursday!



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Tits and Cash!

March 30, 2007 at 1:07 am (Uncategorized)

Last night being Tuesday lead me and Stevie to the video shop for our weekly DVD binge ($1 each remember… wowsers!).  So, there we were all settled in with our brie, crackers and bag of candyfloss when my batphone rings!  Who should be on t’other end but Stevie’s housemate Morgan and Morgan has a plan…

Before I realise whats going on I’ve ironed a shirt, nipped round a mates house and been promised a night on the town!  Giddy and tingling with excitement of the live music and artsy bars that’ll no-doubt lie ahead I’m all of a sudden sat somewhere dark, staring at a wall of mirrors desperatly trying not to cath the eye of the limber girl doing the saucy dance in-front of us.  Thus ensued my first ever unsettling visit to a strip joint…  This experience affirmed my assumption that strip clubs are horrible, horrible places.

Today, I got news that I may be starting a job soon.  A month’s graphic design and video contract in the city.  Not bad and it comes just at the right time.  Just waiting for the final confirmation – I really hate job hunting, out of the 13 jobs I applied for last week, that’s the only one to contact me back!

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St Paddy’s Day

March 19, 2007 at 10:30 am (Uncategorized)

Sneaking up like a cheeky Irish ninja came St Paddy’s Day! I’d totally forgotten all about this and wondered how they’d handle it round here.  With Australia Day doing a conga-line off around the corner, I had a fresh comparison in my mind.

The build up isn’t anything like back home (blocking off of all the roads that you might wanna drive down and such), so I was expecting quite a weak affair.  Much to my suprise, we headed to a shindig which supplied dangling shamrock decorations for our eyes, Irish/Aussy rebel music for our ears and potatoes for our bellies.  People even had them silly hats on their heads AND knew why we were celebrating (more so than meself).  This was kinda weird being that I was the closest thing to an Irishman there! Anyway, was a fuckin good day, much sickness and hangovers were had by all (inclding a very ropey drive home).

With my home sickness hitting hard of late, I’ve been trying to sooth the achy feeling by dabbling in things I miss from home.  There’s a shop that gets chocolate from Bournville. This is good, they put anti-melt crap in their chocolate here… yuck!  But no-one’s heard of a balti (and Australian curry is nasty –  Strange considering how close they are to Asia).  However, most unfortunate of all is my hunt for Carling lager.  I heard a rumour that they sold it in a bottle-o round here but all I could find is Carlsberg.  All I can say is that after the first refreshing and reminiscent gulp, bad beer is bad beer 🙂 You’ve also gotta remember that imported beer won’t have a screw off cap like local grog and you might look like a fool trying.

That’s about all thats been happening here really.  More job applications returned unsuccessfully and I’ve been learning to play the mandolin (I like it because it makes you feel like a giant!).

I think I figured out why my tolerance for grog is so low over here too.  Now I aint no scientician, but you know how in different hemispheres water goes down the toilet the opposite way, I figure the booze is heading into my guts in the wrong direction and this new path hits all new, more sober and youthful parts of my brain!

Time to go.  I can hear possums fighting outside and I’d like to see who’s winning.

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Shananigans in the world of sunshine and porn…

March 16, 2007 at 10:03 am (Uncategorized)

As mentioned before, the job at the grot shop was miles away.  There I was all ready to jump headfirst into the more seedier side of retail when it becomes clear that its way too far!  The thing I’ve realised about Australia is that it’s big, not just big, I mean BIG!  Just because something’s in the same city, doesn’t mean that its close (especially here in Brisvegas, from what I hear one of the most sprawled cities in the cosmos).

So, to cut a boring story short, the hope of a job came, waved merrily at me on its way passed and then careered over the horizon.

I’ve applied for a few other jobs (real jobs, that could actually have good money too) so we’ll see what happens there.  Don’t hold yer breath, we all know I’ll end up pouring beer soon enough…

Look on the bright side… I didnt have to go to work today 🙂


Maintaining my mantle of cultural sponge, I learned today that crazy golf is called ‘putt putt’ over here.

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I refuse!

March 14, 2007 at 6:58 am (Uncategorized)

After much painful deliberation, advise from friends and weird dreams, I’ve made my mind up…  There’s no fucking way I wanna go home yet!

It’s gonna be tight but I know I’d be super angry if I went home now…  Besides, I’ve got a trial at Adult World on Friday!  Only problem with this now is the distance to one of the shops I’d be working in, the hideously long hours (that end after public transport stops) and I’ll have to restrain my fits of giggles – I think that last one’ll prove to be the biggest problem.  I mean, how could I keep a straight face whilst scanning a big rubber cock, cowboy chaps and an assortment of saucy DVD’s through the till?!

The challenge awaits…

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The Inevitable Crunch…

March 7, 2007 at 9:10 am (Uncategorized)

In just a few day’s time I’ll have been out of the UK and away from home for seven months.  Looking at this now, it seems like a mammoth period to have shared sleeping, eating and existing in the company of others (mainly strangers).  It kinda urges me to take the remainder of my cash and jump a plane home, settle down for a bit and do all the things I miss doing before choosing where to head or what to do next.

I’ve been staying at Stevie’s place now for just over two months, I only planned to be here a week or two but it kinda turned into a longer stay.  I feel bad for being here so long so now I gotta choose what to do… Go home over the next month or somehow conjure a job and flexible house from the ether during the next week!

I have absolutly no desire to leave Australia yet, it’s fuckin’ awesome.  It’d also mean leaving Stevie.  On the other hand I’ll have an element of stability and my own stuff if I head back.

I’ll keep ya posted.  If anyone’s got any suggetsions on how I can pull this one outta the bag I’d love to hear ’em cus I’m absolutly stumped!

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Selling Grot…

March 1, 2007 at 9:55 am (Uncategorized)

Believe it or not, the fine art of selling pornography takes skill, training and above all experience… Or at least this is what I’m lead to believe after seeing the “part-time staff wanted” in adult world…

Money’s getting tighter these days and the job hunt brings me to the peak of moist, sweaty dispair at least once in a peacful night’s sleep.  I’m pretty sure now, that since being in Australia I’ve applied for above or around thirty jobs all with no-luck.  So, lately I’ve been thinking that I might be aiming my sights alittle too high (Jesus’ Knees, could you imagine the embarresment if I’d wasted three years of my life and thousands of pounds worth of debt improving my education and career skills to be in this unemployable situation.. lucky me huh?).

So there I was strolling down the road, sun beating down on my glistening yet muscular torso, pondering my employment situation when I pass the local grot shop and it’s large sign shrieking out for part time staff.  Sudenly it clicks in my think box “Fuck Me!  That’d be a great job” so I rush home, iron my favourite shirt, slick up my hair all nice like and venture back out…  Upon enquiring about said position I discover there’s more to selling edible knickers, naughty nurse videos and ballgags than meets the eye!  You need a tailored porn industry CV to even be spoken too!  At least this little chirade gives me something to do over the next few days… Can’t really say I’ve ever had the opportunity to fabricate myself in the world of adult entertainment.

Aside from all this silly business with thinning money, no permenant residence and breaking gracefully into the world of cheap thrills, I’ve been keeping busy seeing people and doing stuff in the sun…  Read on my intrepid muchacho…

I may be joining a local band in the next few weeks.  Not sure what kinda thing to be honest but I think it’s a blues/rock n’ roll kinda vibe.

The Zoo (music venue) in Brisbane is excellent. There may even be sum photos sumwhere.  Saw a huge brass, ska, funky band t’other day.  Reminded me of the Rainbow.  We got skanky drunk on scotch and shoted at the taxi lady.

My ability to drink nearly any amount of booze is becomming less and less.  Quite embarresing really considering thats all I’ve been doing for the last six months (figured I’td up my tollerence… weirdy).  Maybe I’ll Quit drinking and smoking for a while… and revert to healthy jogging man again.  “Woosh! look at him go – like a speeding muscly bullet” (That’s what the passer’s by will say m’kay).

I can make muffins and feel the need to experiment with other treats.  They’re lovely, but stevie fears the blub blub that comes with cake testing!

Tuesday’s are ace.  When Tuesday comes, that’s when the video shop does any DVD for $1 (that’s about 40p and you can get 12 out at a time)!  I find this amazing although a little scary that I’ve seen most of the films in the big shop and I won’t have anything left to watch when the world ends and we spend all our time dodging radioactive mutants, giant scorpians, robots who want to enslave us and browsing the shops of yesterday’s world… think about it…

 Again, there’s more stuff been going on but My Name is Earl is on in five minutes… bye bye

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Damn the internet machine and it story killing ways… I’ll be angry when the robots take over…

February 19, 2007 at 8:39 am (Uncategorized)

Again the Blog machine of the internets wipes out the post I’d just written! So, rather than not type anything and leave my blog sitting stale and empty, I’ll re-type some of it and re-type the fun bits later, but I’m not happy about it*

– I lost my sunglasses

– I found my sunglasses

* Some items may not appear as interesting as they could be.

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sarsaparilla… fuck off sarsaparilla!

February 9, 2007 at 10:35 am (Uncategorized)

Now, I don’t ever remember this foul drink being sold in the UK.  At least not under that name.  Round my parts we calls it TCP!

I don’t even know why I’m sharing this with you.  Perhaps because its so nasty a drink the world should be warned!

Take heed thirsty children around the world…

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Not Skilled Enough… Despite the celebrity prophicising and mean frizbee dropping!

February 6, 2007 at 7:38 am (Uncategorized)

Eegads, its seems like a while since I put anything other than pictures up here!

Today I did something horrible.  I dressed in smart trousers, shiney shoes and crisply ironed shirt.  Enough of a swarve appearence that I looked like a spanish waiter.  I wasn’t poised to wait tables (and hope I won’t be anytime soon), no, I was finally invited to a REAL job interview!  Woo-fucking-hoo! About time.  The interview was with a creative industry’s agency.  I’m not sure how it’s panned out yet, they seemed slightly worried that my skills don’t lay in one neatly directed path, rather a haphazard skillset made up, like frankenstein from stuff all over the place.  “So, you’re a video guy then?” they asked, “yes”, “but it says on you’re resume that you dabble in design and photography?”… “yes”.  “And you’ve worked in a pub for 2 1/2 years… and you’ve spent a lot of time in educational institutes?”…  “yes, yes, yes”.  “So what do you do again?”.  Fuck me, can’t we just agree I’m a media content developer and you give me some cash?

So, where was I?  yeah, last y’all heard it was Australia day.  Australia day was fun  – See photos – A picture paints a thousand words.

In brief, this is some other stuff I’ve been up to…

I’ve been heranged into the sunday frizbee team with Stevie and her buddies.  There’s more sitting and beer than actual frizbee which is good ‘cus I can’t catch for shit. Kinda like the running around though.

Like an X-man I’ve developed an amazing pre-cognative-spooky-woo-ability by dreaming which celebrities will apear on TV the following day.  So far, we’ve had Peggy Bundy and Bill Murray… oooooh.  Not much of a twighlight zone episode yet, but I’m starting small.

I didn’t win any money on the thirten lines of lottery we bought.

I saw an old woman in a gas mask and delightful summer frock at the train station.  It may have developed into one of my life’s biggest regrets that I didn’t ask firstly why she had a full gas mask and canister on and secondly when the train to the city was due… I had to wait a long time and had to hurry to the hairdressers.

Had a BBQ at james and Alana’s to celebrate the arrival of all their stuff from the UK.  Made me realised I can’t sing.  The playstation agrees.

Got some new full sleeve inky tattoos with Stevie.  See the pictures, we have great matching robots crushing puny citys!

Realised I’ve been drinking recycled piss all my life and somehow other countries (like this one) have managed to avoid it up until now.  Think about it kids.

Went on a mammouth shopping trip and got me some new threads.

Been thinking lots about home again.  I’ve never wanted a balti and carling round a mate’s house so bad in my life!

That’s about all I can think of for now, but there’s probably more.  Just don’t wanna damage my delicate fingers on the keyboard any longer.

…Be good folks

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