Office Space…

June 21, 2007 at 9:29 am (Uncategorized)

Its disgusting.  Every morning I get up at 07:00AM, flip the Australian government issued egg timer to enjoy a four minute shower, dress up like a fool, read someone else’s book from over their shoulder on the 08:06AM train, walk three minutes to the office and spend the following eight hours in my cubicle typing names, locations and dates into a computer.  The only art I see is the framed motivational poster above me that says “LEADERSHIP” in large dominating letters.  If I stand up and look over my padded carpet wall I see another that says “CHALLENGE”.

Why would anyone design a working environment like this?  As a buzzy little bee, I don’t feel inspired.  Wheres the party hats I say! How do people cope?!

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Well Blow Me Down!

June 18, 2007 at 7:35 am (Uncategorized)

I’d pretty much given up on any sign of work in Australia after the hail of rejections when all of a sudden I get a phone call from an agency I registered with a while back.  I start tommorow taking phone calls and stuffing crap into envelopes.  Only there for two weeks which is fine with me, money’s good there too.  I’m considering it as my dress reheursal back into the world of work before the curtain goes up properly when I get home.

Check out this little fella I met at the pub the other night froggy.  There I was enjoying some nasty Aussie lager when a green head pops up outta the ground.  Didnt get to hold it (these things are harder to catch than chickens!) but I did manage to get my camera phone right up close.

Today is also my leap into the third smug week of not smoking.  All hail me! I have a wonderful medal that shows how great I am because of this amazing feat of man too!!!

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The crazy magic of time zones and jet lag

June 14, 2007 at 6:59 am (Uncategorized)

I was wrong, its 12:35 pm, Tue 17th July we arrive… silly time zones

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The News

June 14, 2007 at 2:55 am (Uncategorized)

Here’s the news reader for local Brisbane news…Rod Young

Here’s the news reader for Quahog 5 News…

Tom Tucker

…Suspicious huh?

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Buckle Up Baby… Here I come!

June 11, 2007 at 10:18 pm (Uncategorized)

Everybody roll up your party socks, the tickets are booked and paid for!  We arrive at Birmingham airport July 17th 03.45am British Earth time.

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Almost…

June 9, 2007 at 8:53 am (Uncategorized)

Yabadabbadoo!  Stevie’s visa came yesterday, but what a headache.  I forgot how much of a ball ripping pain it was to book international flights!  Its like trying to solve a Rubicks Cube with Captain Hook’s bad hand for fuck sake! Thought I’d had it sussed earlier until it declined the card with all the money in… wankers.

Looks like July 16th is the day we get home if we can eventually squeeze some tickets out of the wide wide world o’ web.  The fun bit’ll be finding somewhere to live!

On a bleaker note, its a freezing 15.7°C here… Im sat here in a beanie and jacket, I’ve even got socks on… socks, in Australia!

On the job front, I’ve been jumping through the hoops of employers and eating their food when the bell rings.  Dunno why really, I still sit at home and read comics all day.  This week’s rejections were for campervan cleaner and brain mapping/MRI test subject.

Anybody know of a good job opportunity coming up in Birmingham?  I think its probably that time in my life where I behave and get a REAL job, not pouring beer, setting up projectors or unjamming printers.

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Stevie’s Birthday Sushi Lunch!

June 4, 2007 at 6:54 am (Uncategorized)

Sushi is nasty, but the food does come on a train… Here’s a dumb video…

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“Dance Monkey Dance… I’ll Give you a Dollar!”

May 29, 2007 at 2:53 pm (Uncategorized)

Woken at the break of a drizzley morning by my chirpy alarm clock, I knew my Monday would be special…

My first interview took me to a marketing company for a “customer service” position on the third floor of a crumbling building in the back streets of the Valley (known in Brisbane for its creative industries, a bit like a very grim shadow of the custard factory).  I walked up to the third floor “reception area” which adorned a dead fish in a bowl and framed posters of huge Australian companies.  The highlights and anything near relevant questions of the interview went something like this “So, it says here you’re from Birmingham?  I went to Birmingham once.  Do you like football?…  I remember an advert there about a boy that wanted to be a tree… Do you want a job? Come back tommorrow for a training day and I’ll explain what we do here… Goodbye”.

Today I returned with a spring in my step and a glint in my eye, filled out a form that clarified in many defifinitive paragraphs that today I would not be paid under any circumstances and waited for my training.  Eventually a sharp suited man and his four clones told me I’d be with them and to watch what they do there.  Sounded easy enough I thought.

During the cramped car journey to the middle of nowhere its all explained what the job is; visit what turns out to be mostly old ladies and try to sell them stuff door to door.  The best thing is the money for the glorious 40 hour standard week at $10 an hour.  For those without a calculator, thats roughly £4!!!  You make it all back on commision  I’m told (after the two weeks with zero commision that is), yet during my half day with them no-one sold anything!

In a nutshell, job interview number one sounds like the dream job I’ve always wanted, perhaps so good I may have to turn them down.  Hopefully, job interview number two at a real employment agency went quite well.  I completed several skill tests and scored exceptionally high with my whizzbang computer skills, I might even get one of those luxury data-entry careers I’ve always dreamed of.

All I have to do now is wait and with a bit of voodoo or shamanic dancing I may get a phone call on the bat phone and have to change into my working man costume before sliding down the pole of employment into the salary-mobile!

Incidentally, I just read Factotum by Charles Burkowski.  It’s a great book, kinda shares my work ethics and plight of employment… its got grot in there too!  The guy just wants to write stories, get drunk, enjoy the more carnal aspects of life and exist.  Best bit went something like “It was a menial job…  Its not enough that I’m doing the job to the best of my ability, I have to be passionate about it too

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The Countdown…

May 25, 2007 at 2:36 pm (Uncategorized)

Alrighty you sexy people, I gots me a plan and that plan is homeward bound!!!

Stevie’s in the midst of selling up and packing junk into boxes and when that junk is stored and the remainder is flogged in one exciting garage sale explosion we’re swooping straight over to Birmingham!  We’re aiming for the end of July (could be more, could be less.  Only a magic 8-ball REALLY knows the answers… maybe Derren Brown too but I’m still skeptical about his gypsy ways).  Within a week or two we’ll have tickets in our hands and dates in our yuppy file-o-faxes!

All I gotta do now is put on that same broken record and get some work so I’ll have money to set-up again in Brum.  I was offered a job the other day by some crooked company who’s office was in a rented wearhouse! It wasn’t a complete waste of time though, I got taught how to ride one of them fancy gyro bikes like the fella in curb your enthusiasm.  Anyway, two more interviews on Monday.  Until then its back to the plate scraping poverty 🙂

New photos here too from housemate Morgan’s birthday.  Went to a very shouty Japanese resteraunt where they bring out raw food and you grill it to death on a BBQ… fun place for the veggies.

All in all, very exciting thinking about roaming around home turf again. Its been a very strange year indeed…  I’ve gotten used to the Ausy host of Deal or No Deal and can hardly remember what Noel Edmunds looks like now!

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Some things I like about Oz…

April 22, 2007 at 2:06 pm (Uncategorized)

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